The problem is never the problem

Whenever I am working with a client one of the first questions always is “How can I help you?”  and I usually get any/ or all of the following: 

1.    The person tells me what they DON’T want…

2.    “Let me give you an example…” followed by a story

3.    Or I get a generalisation like “I want to be happy”

All of these are kind of useful and problematic at the same time. 

A tiny fraction of my clients can answer that question honestly. Children are fantastic at this question: “I want a new bike!” or “I want an ice cream!” I just love how literal children are, how aligned they are with what’s important. 

Us grown-ups struggle way more – because instantly we get in our own way.

“What does she want me to say…? What’s the right thing to say…? If I say this, can I achieve that…? Better go for a safe goal… If I say this will she think I’m crazy? Oh, I hope this is the right answer…! I think, I know but is that really what I want…?” And on and on it goes… 

I know. I’ve been there. Many times.

The problem is not the problem, it’s how we respond to a problem, that’s the problem! 

Often there is a weird feeling, a memory, an unconscious belief, a values conflict, or an inability to access our most resourceful state that stops us from being the person we want to be in that situation.

For example, I used to be a master at beating myself up. Listening to or watching interviews of myself was the trigger with it instantly bringing out the fine art of excessive self-criticism!

Luckily those days are long gone and now I just want to find out how I can keep improving to get my message across better, so that it helps more people in a more profound way.

For example, I recently worked on how I come across when I am being interviewed for Podcasts. The question: “What do you want…?” …confused me a little. I knew what I didn’t want! But making decisions on how I want to feel was far more difficult. So yes I absolutely understand. Nobody said it was easy, which is why having someone in your corner who gently and steadily keeps you on track, asks the right questions, and guides you through that process is so powerful. 

I decided how I want to be on a Podcast – “feeling calm, clear-headed, the ability to go off on a tangent and come back to where we left off, to trust my unconscious to find the right story at the right time and sprinkle everything with a bit of humour!  

I know what those words mean for me. I know what that sounds, looks, and feels like…. and that may or may not work for anybody else.

Which is one of the many reasons why I love this work so much, because when we delve deep enough, I always find that my clients have the solutions that will work for them inside of themselves.  

Repetition works!

And as with everything else the more you do it the better you get at it. Whether that is hypnosis or getting clear about what you want.